Parents
وَإِذۡ أَخَذۡنَا مِيثَٰقَ بَنِيٓ إِسۡرَٰٓءِيلَ لَا تَعۡبُدُونَ إِلَّا ٱللَّهَ وَبِٱلۡوَٰلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَانٗا وَذِي ٱلۡقُرۡبَىٰ وَٱلۡيَتَٰمَىٰ وَٱلۡمَسَٰكِينِ وَقُولُواْ لِلنَّاسِ حُسۡنٗا وَأَقِيمُواْ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَءَاتُواْ ٱلزَّكَوٰةَ ثُمَّ تَوَلَّيۡتُمۡ إِلَّا قَلِيلٗا مِّنكُمۡ وَأَنتُم مُّعۡرِضُونَ ٨٣
And (remember) when We took a covenant from the Children of Israel, (saying): Worship none but Allah (Alone) and be dutiful and good to parents, and to kindred, and to orphans and Al-Masakin (the poor), and speak good to people, and perform As-Salat (the Prayers), and give Zakat (obligatory charity). Then you slid back, except a few of you, while you are backsliders.
Surah 2 Al-Baqarah Verse 83
يَسَۡٔلُونَكَ مَاذَا يُنفِقُونَۖ قُلۡ مَآ أَنفَقۡتُم مِّنۡ خَيۡرٖ فَلِلۡوَٰلِدَيۡنِ وَٱلۡأَقۡرَبِينَ وَٱلۡيَتَٰمَىٰ وَٱلۡمَسَٰكِينِ وَٱبۡنِ ٱلسَّبِيلِۗ وَمَا تَفۡعَلُواْ مِنۡ خَيۡرٖ فَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ بِهِۦ عَلِيمٞ ٢١٥
۞يَسَۡٔلُونَكَ عَنِ ٱلۡخَمۡرِ وَٱلۡمَيۡسِرِۖ قُلۡ فِيهِمَآ إِثۡمٞ كَبِيرٞ وَمَنَٰفِعُ لِلنَّاسِ وَإِثۡمُهُمَآ أَكۡبَرُ مِن نَّفۡعِهِمَاۗ وَيَسَۡٔلُونَكَ مَاذَا يُنفِقُونَۖ قُلِ ٱلۡعَفۡوَۗ كَذَٰلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمُ ٱلۡأٓيَٰتِ لَعَلَّكُمۡ تَتَفَكَّرُونَ ٢١٩
They ask you (O Muhammad, pbuh) what should they spend. Say: ‘Whatever you spend of good must be for parents and kindred and orphans and Al-Masakin and the wayfarer and whatever you do of good deeds, truly, Allah knows it well’...And they ask you what they ought to spend. Say: ‘That which is (spare) beyond your needs’ Thus Allah makes clear to you His laws in order that you may give thought.
Surah 2 Al-Baqarah Verses 215/219
- Maymun bin Mihran once recited this Ayah and commented “These are the areas of spending. Allah did not mention among them the drums, pipe, wooden pictures, or the curtains that cover the wall”
- Narrated Jabir that the Prophet (pbuh) said: ‘Start with yourself and grant it some charity. If anything remains, then spend it on your family. If anything remains, then spend it on your relatives. If anything remains, then spend it like this and like that (i.e., on various charitable purposes)’
- Another Hadith states: ‘O Son of Adam! If you spend whatever you can spare, it would be better for you; but if you keep it would be worse for you. You shall not be blamed for whatever is barely sufficient’
۞وَٱعۡبُدُواْ ٱللَّهَ وَلَا تُشۡرِكُواْ بِهِۦ شَيۡٔٗاۖ وَبِٱلۡوَٰلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَٰنٗا وَبِذِي ٱلۡقُرۡبَىٰ وَٱلۡيَتَٰمَىٰ وَٱلۡمَسَٰكِينِ وَٱلۡجَارِ ذِي ٱلۡقُرۡبَىٰ وَٱلۡجَارِ ٱلۡجُنُبِ وَٱلصَّاحِبِ بِٱلۡجَنۢبِ وَٱبۡنِ ٱلسَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتۡ أَيۡمَٰنُكُمۡۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ مَن كَانَ مُخۡتَالٗا فَخُورًا ٣٦
Worship Allah and join none with Him; and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masakin, the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer, and those whom your right hand possess. Verily, Allah does not like such as are proud and boastful.
Surah 4 An-Nisa Verse 36
- Narrated Abdullah bin Umar that the Prophet (pbuh) said: ‘Jibril kept reminding me of the neighbour’s right, until I thought that he was going to give him a share of the inheritance’
- Narrated Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-As that the Prophet (pbuh) said: ‘The best companions according to Allah are those who are the best with their friends, and the best neighbours according to Allah are the best with their neighbours’
- The expression al-sahib bi al janb (the companion by your side) embraces those with whom one has friendly relations of an abiding nature as well as those with whom one’s relationship is transient: for instance, either the person who walks besides on the way to the market or who sits besides one while buying things from the same shop or one’s fellow traveller. Even this temporary relationship imposes certain claims on every refined and decent person – that he should treat him, as far as possible, in a kind and gracious manner to avoid causing him any inconvenience
- Those whom your right hand possess – the slaves and servants. An authentic Hadith records that during the illness that preceded his death, the Prophet (pbuh) continued advising his Ummah: ‘(protect) the Prayer, (protect) the Prayer, and (those slaves) whom your hand possess’
- Narrated Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (pbuh) said: ‘The slave has the right to have food, clothing and to only be required to perform what he can bear of work’
- Narrated Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (pbuh) said: ‘When your servant brings meals to one of you, if he does not let him sit and share the meal, then he should at least give him a mouthful or two, for he has prepared it’
- Allah enjoins first to be good and later states his dislike for the proud and the boastful. It has been recorded from commentators that “You will find that those who are mean are also proud and boasting”
- The prophet (pbuh) once advised: ‘Avoid lengthening the dress (below the ankles) for this practice is from arrogance. Verily, Allah does not like arrogance’
۞يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ كُونُواْ قَوَّٰمِينَ بِٱلۡقِسۡطِ شُهَدَآءَ لِلَّهِ وَلَوۡ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَوِ ٱلۡوَٰلِدَيۡنِ وَٱلۡأَقۡرَبِينَۚ إِن يَكُنۡ غَنِيًّا أَوۡ فَقِيرٗا فَٱللَّهُ أَوۡلَىٰ بِهِمَاۖ فَلَا تَتَّبِعُواْ ٱلۡهَوَىٰٓ أَن تَعۡدِلُواْۚ وَإِن تَلۡوُۥٓاْ أَوۡ تُعۡرِضُواْ فَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعۡمَلُونَ خَبِيرٗا ١٣٥
O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even though it be against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, be he rich or poor, Allah is a Better Protector to both (than you). So, follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you may avoid justice, and if you distort your witness or refuse to give it, verily, Allah is Ever Well-Acquainted with what you do.
Surah 4 An-Nisa Verse 135
۞قُلۡ تَعَالَوۡاْ أَتۡلُ مَا حَرَّمَ رَبُّكُمۡ عَلَيۡكُمۡۖ أَلَّا تُشۡرِكُواْ بِهِۦ شَيۡٔٗاۖ وَبِٱلۡوَٰلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَٰنٗاۖ وَلَا تَقۡتُلُوٓاْ أَوۡلَٰدَكُم مِّنۡ إِمۡلَٰقٖ نَّحۡنُ نَرۡزُقُكُمۡ وَإِيَّاهُمۡۖ وَلَا تَقۡرَبُواْ ٱلۡفَوَٰحِشَ مَا ظَهَرَ مِنۡهَا وَمَا بَطَنَۖ وَلَا تَقۡتُلُواْ ٱلنَّفۡسَ ٱلَّتِي حَرَّمَ ٱللَّهُ إِلَّا بِٱلۡحَقِّۚ ذَٰلِكُمۡ وَصَّىٰكُم بِهِۦ لَعَلَّكُمۡ تَعۡقِلُونَ ١٥١
Say (O Muhammad, pbuh): “Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited you from: Join not anything in worship with Him; be good and dutiful to your parents; kill not your children because of poverty - We provide sustenance for you and for them; come not near to Al-Fawahish (shameful sins, illegal sexual intercourse) whether committed openly or secretly, and kill not anyone whom Allah has forbidden, except for a just cause (according to Islamic law). This He has commanded you that you may understand”.
Surah 6 Al-Anam Verse 151
رَبَّنَا ٱغۡفِرۡ لِي وَلِوَٰلِدَيَّ وَلِلۡمُؤۡمِنِينَ يَوۡمَ يَقُومُ ٱلۡحِسَابُ ٤١
[And Ibrahim (Abraham) said:] “Our Lord! Forgive me and my parents, and (all) the believers on the Day when the reckoning will be established”.
Surah 14 Ibrahim Verse 41
۞وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعۡبُدُوٓاْ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلۡوَٰلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَٰنًاۚ إِمَّا يَبۡلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلۡكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوۡ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفّٖ وَلَا تَنۡهَرۡهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوۡلٗا كَرِيمٗا ٢٣ وَٱخۡفِضۡ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحۡمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرۡحَمۡهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرٗا ٢٤
And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect (Uff/Fie), nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower to them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your mercy as they did bring me up when I was young’
Surah 17 Al-Isra Verses 23-24
- Narrated Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (pbuh) said: ‘He is doomed, he is doomed, he is doomed; the man whose parents, one or both of them, reach old age while he is alive and he does not enter Paradise’
- Narrated Al-Miqdam that the Prophet (pbuh) said: ‘Allah enjoins you concerning your father, Allah enjoins you concerning your mothers (said three times), Allah enjoins you concerning your close relatives, then the next in closeness’
- Narrated Banu Yarbu that he heard the prophet (pbuh) say: ‘The hand of the one who gives is superior. (Give to) your mother and your father, your sister and your brother, then the closest and next closest’.
- …terms of honour… - It is the unanimous opinion of the jurists that ‘Ahsan’ of parents means refraining from everything that displeases them. The following actions are considered disrespectful:
1) Not providing them with the necessities, thus compelling them to beg for them.
2) Not inviting them to a function where others have been invited.
3) Not getting presents for them from a place where one had been to, on a journey.
4) Doing anything that would cause the parents to become a butt of criticism.
5) Addressing the parents by their names.
All the above acts are Harām. In addition, the jurists also consider the following actions Harām:
1) To turn away from the parents with disdain.
2) To sit with one’s back towards the parents.
3) To speak in a voice louder than the parents.
4) Walking ahead of the parents.
If any of the above do not cause disrespect or displeasure, they are allowed. However, to refrain from them is ‘mustahab’.
يَٰيَحۡيَىٰ خُذِ ٱلۡكِتَٰبَ بِقُوَّةٖۖ وَءَاتَيۡنَٰهُ ٱلۡحُكۡمَ صَبِيّٗا ١٢ وَحَنَانٗا مِّن لَّدُنَّا وَزَكَوٰةٗۖ وَكَانَ تَقِيّٗا ١٣ وَبَرَّۢا بِوَٰلِدَيۡهِ وَلَمۡ يَكُن جَبَّارًا عَصِيّٗا ١٤
[It was said to Zakariya’s (Zachariah) son:] “O Yahya (John)! Hold fast the Scripture [the Taurat (Torah)]”. And We gave him wisdom while yet a child. And (made him) sympathetic to men as a mercy from Us, and pure from sins and he was righteous; And dutiful towards his parents, and he was neither an arrogant nor disobedient (to Allah or to his parents).
Surah 19 Maryam Verses 12-14
- A similar message is repeated in a verse with respect to Prophet Isa (Jesus), as in:
قَالَ إِنِّي عَبۡدُ ٱللَّهِ ءَاتَىٰنِيَ ٱلۡكِتَٰبَ وَجَعَلَنِي نَبِيّٗا ٣٠ وَجَعَلَنِي مُبَارَكًا أَيۡنَ مَا كُنتُ وَأَوۡصَٰنِي بِٱلصَّلَوٰةِ وَٱلزَّكَوٰةِ مَا دُمۡتُ حَيّٗا ٣١ وَبَرَّۢا بِوَٰلِدَتِي وَلَمۡ يَجۡعَلۡنِي جَبَّارٗا شَقِيّٗا ٣٢
He (Iesa (Jesus)) said: “Verily! I am a slave of Allah, He has given me the Scripture and made me a Prophet; And He has made me blessed wheresoever I be, and has enjoined on me Salat (prayer), and Zakat, as long as I live. And dutiful to my mother, and made me not arrogant, unblest”.
Surah 19 Maryam Verse 30-32
As Jesus did not have a father, his mother alone is mentioned. In V 19:12-14, both the father and mother (parents) of Hazrat Yahya are mentioned. Both the verses mention three characteristics of the disobedient child (Āq al-Walidayn).
1) ‘Jabbar’ (insolent/arrogant)
2) ‘Shaqī’ (unblessed/wretched)
3) ‘Āsi’ (disobedient)
Each of these negative qualities render one liable for severe punishment.
Regarding ‘Jabbar’ the Qur’an says:
وَٱسۡتَفۡتَحُواْ وَخَابَ كُلُّ جَبَّارٍ عَنِيدٖ ١٥ مِّن وَرَآئِهِۦ جَهَنَّمُ وَيُسۡقَىٰ مِن مَّآءٖ صَدِيدٖ ١٦ يَتَجَرَّعُهُۥ وَلَا يَكَادُ يُسِيغُهُۥ وَيَأۡتِيهِ ٱلۡمَوۡتُ مِن كُلِّ مَكَانٖ وَمَا هُوَ بِمَيِّتٖۖ وَمِن وَرَآئِهِۦ عَذَابٌ غَلِيظٞ ١٧
But they (the Messengers) sought victory and help [from their Lord (Allah)], and every obstinate, arrogant dictator (who refuses to believe in the Oneness of Allah) was brought to a complete loss and destruction. In front of him (every obstinate, arrogant dictator) is Hell, and he will be made to drink boiling, festering water. He will sip it unwillingly, and he will find a great difficulty to swallow it down his throat, and death will come to him from every side, yet he will not die and in front of him, will be a great torment. (Surah Ibrahīm 14:15-17)
The one who is Shaqī will be punished as follows:
يَوۡمَ يَأۡتِ لَا تَكَلَّمُ نَفۡسٌ إِلَّا بِإِذۡنِهِۦۚ فَمِنۡهُمۡ شَقِيّٞ وَسَعِيدٞ ١٠٥ فَأَمَّا ٱلَّذِينَ شَقُواْ فَفِي ٱلنَّارِ لَهُمۡ فِيهَا زَفِيرٞ وَشَهِيقٌ ١٠٦ خَٰلِدِينَ فِيهَا مَا دَامَتِ ٱلسَّمَٰوَٰتُ وَٱلۡأَرۡضُ إِلَّا مَا شَآءَ رَبُّكَۚ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ فَعَّالٞ لِّمَا يُرِيدُ ١٠٧
On the Day when it comes, no person shall speak except by His (Allah’s) Leave. Some among them will be wretched and (others) blessed. As for those who are wretched, they will be in the Fire, sighing in a high and low tone. They will dwell therein for all the time that the heavens and the earth endure, except as your Lord wills. Verily, your Lord is the doer of what He wills. (Surah Hūd 11:105-107)
Those with the third characteristic, that is, those who are ‘Āsi’ will be dealt with severely by Allah.
وَمَن يَعۡصِ ٱللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُۥ وَيَتَعَدَّ حُدُودَهُۥ يُدۡخِلۡهُ نَارًا خَٰلِدٗا فِيهَا وَلَهُۥ عَذَابٞ مُّهِينٞ ١٤
And whosoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger (Muhammad, pbuh), and transgresses His limits, He will cast him into the Fire, to abide therein; and he shall have a disgraceful torment. (Surah an-Nisā’ 4:14)
- Aq al-Walidayn (disobedience to parents) means that the son or the daughter cause disrespect to parents by speech or actions. Or they do not obey them in matters which are within reason and matters which are not in any way against religion. Aq al-Walidayn is absolutely Haram. The books of traditions validate this fact. To look at the parents with anger is Aq, to cause unhappiness to the parents results in Aq. It is Harām to take any step, which one is sure, will displease the parents.
The Material Effects of ‘Aq al-Walidayn’
- In the Hereafter
The Prophet (pbuh) said: ‘Beware! Abstain from angering the parents. The fragrance of Paradise is perceived even at a distance of a thousand years, but those who are disobedient to parents and those who cut off ties with relatives will not be able to smell it’.
The Prophet (pbuh) also said: ‘One who displeases the parents, (it is as if) he has displeased Allah. One who angers both his parents (it is as if) he has angered Allah’.
Elsewhere, it is mentioned, ‘One who hurts his parents, hurts me and one who hurts me has hurt Allah. And the one who hurts Allah is accursed’.
The Prophet (pbuh) has also stated: ‘Allah will not speak to Three kinds of people on the Day of Qiyama. Neither will He have mercy upon them, nor will He purify their sins. There is for them a horrible chastisement. The Three types of people are the believers in divination, the drunkards and those who disobeyed their parents’.
Aq al-Walidayn is Not Eligible for Divine Forgiveness: The wretchedness of the Aq al-Walidayn is sufficiently evident from the fact that the trustworthy angel Jibrīl (Gabriel) has cursed him and said, “One who is blessed with parents but does not fulfil their (his parent’s) rights will not be forgiven (his sins) by Allah”. When Jibrīl said this, the Prophet (pbuh) uttered, ‘Ameen’!
- In this life
The Prophet (pbuh) said: ‘There are Three kinds of sins which are punished in this world, rather than being given respite till Qiyāma. The first is Āq al-Walidayn. The second, injustice upon men and third, thanklessness for favour’.
Another tradition says: ‘Benevolence to parents and secret charity, ward off poverty, and both (these deeds) prolong life. Seventy types of death are kept away’.
Aq al-Walidayn Cause Poverty and Misfortune: There was a young man from Madinah. His parents were very old. He never did any good towards them. He neglected them and did not expend any of his wealth for their well-being. After sometime he became a destitute and fell sick. His wretchedness and misery reached such extreme, that he became a pitiable character. The Prophet (pbuh) said: ‘Those who cause hurt to their parents should derive lessons from the life of this man. See how his wealth and property has been taken away. His affluence and independence have changed to poverty and his health has turned into disease. Whatever position he was to get in Heaven, he has been deprived of due to his sins; in its place the fire of Hell has been prepared for him’.
Prayer is Not Accepted at the time of death: A young man was on his death bed when the Prophet (pbuh) came, sat near him, and told him to recite two kalimas (Shahadatain). But the youth could not speak. The Prophet (pbuh) enquired if his mother was present? A woman sitting near his head said, “Yes, I am his mother”. The Prophet (pbuh) asked, ‘Are your displeased with him?’ “Yes, O Prophet, we have not spoken to each other since the last six years”. The Prophet (pbuh) asked this woman to forgive her son. Thus, at the Prophet’s instance she forgave his mistakes and was reconciled. At once the young man was able to recite the Kalima al-Shahadat. This tradition shows how difficult are the last moments of the Aq al-Walidayn. He leaves this world in disbelief and remains, forever, in Divine punishment. The tutor of Kalima for this young man was the Prophet (pbuh). In spite of this, his tongue did not move till his mother forgave him.
وَوَصَّيۡنَا ٱلۡإِنسَٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيۡهِ حُسۡنٗاۖ وَإِن جَٰهَدَاكَ لِتُشۡرِكَ بِي مَا لَيۡسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلۡمٞ فَلَا تُطِعۡهُمَآۚ إِلَيَّ مَرۡجِعُكُمۡ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمۡ تَعۡمَلُونَ ٨
And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me anything of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. To me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do.
Surah 29 Al-Ankabut Verse 8
- At-Tabarani recorded in Al-Ishrah that Sa`d bin Malik said, “This Ayah, was revealed concerning me. I was a man who honored his mother [Hamnah, daughter of Sufyan bin Umayyah (neice of Abu Sufyan)], but when I became Muslim, she said: ‘O Sa`d! What is this new thing I see you doing Leave this religion of yours, or I will not eat or drink until I die, and people will say: Shame on you, for what you have done to me, and they will say that you have killed your mother’. I said, ‘Do not do that, O mother, for I will not give up this religion of mine for anything’. She stayed without eating for one day and one night, and she became exhausted; then she stayed for another day and night without eating, and she became utterly exhausted. When I saw that, I said: ‘O my mother, by Allah, even if you had one hundred souls and they were to depart one by one, I would not give up this religion of mine for anything, so if you want to, eat, and if you want to, do not eat’. So, she ate”. According to Muslim, Tirmidhi, Ahmad, Abu Daud and Nasai also, this verse was sent down in respect of Saad bin Abi Waqqas. He was 18 or 19 years old when he embraced Islam. Possibly other young men who embraced Islam in the initial stage at Makkah were also confronted with similar situations. Therefore, the same theme has been repeated forcefully in Surah Luqman (see Verse 31:15) also.
What the verse means to impress is this: The rights of the parents, among the creation of Allah, are to be held as the supreme, but even if the parents force a person to adopt shirk, they should not be obeyed. The words, “if they strive to make you join with Me anything” imply that a lesser pressure, or a pressure by either of them, deserves to be set aside much more promptly. The next sentence, “of which you have no knowledge” is also noteworthy. This gives a sound reason for not obeying the parents in this regard. The parents certainly have the right that the children should serve them, respect them, and obey them in lawful things. But they do not have the right that one should obey them blindly against one’s knowledge of the reality. Therefore, there is no reason why a person should go on following his parents’ religion just because it is their religion. If the children come to know that their parents are following a false religion, they should give it up and adopt the right religion, and should not follow the wrong way whose falsehood has become clear to them even if the parents use every kind of pressure for it. When this is so in the case of even the parents, it should be so with every other person, too. No one deserves to be followed and obeyed unless one is sure that the person being followed is on the right path.
- To me is your return - That is, the relationships of this world and their obligations are confined to the world. At last, the parents as well as the children have to return to their Creator, and before Him everybody will be held answerable only on the basis of his personal responsibility. If the parents have misled the children, they will be called to account. If the children have accepted deviation for the sake of the parents, they will be punished. And if the children adopted the right way, and showed no slackness in rendering the parents’ lawful rights either, but the parents ill treated them only for the reason that they did not join them in their deviation, they will not be able to escape Allah’s punishment.
- …We have enjoined on man... - Being dutiful and kind to one’s parents is highly rewarded by Allah. The phrase: “We have enjoined” is attested five times in the Quran, three instances of which, are employed for parents (V29:8, V 31:14 and V 46:15). Benevolence to Parents is Wajib. The verse 31:14 is especially worth noting for the fact that Allah has mentioned together gratefulness towards Himself and to the parents (give thanks to Me and to your parents). Certainly, thankfulness to Allah is Wajib, and in the same way it is Wajib for the children to be thankful to their parents.
- Service to Parents is Better Than Jihad: A young man presented himself to the Prophet (pbuh) and said that he wanted to participate in Jihad. The Prophet (pbuh) told him: ‘Certainly, go for Jihad in the way of Allah. If you are killed you will be alive near Allah and be provided sustenance from Him. The recompense for your sacrifice would be with Allah. If you return alive your sins would be washed off as if you were a newborn child’. This man said: “O Prophet of Allah, my parents are alive and they are aged and have great expectations from me. They do not like me to be away from them”. The Prophet (pbuh) said: ‘If that is so, then stay behind to serve your parents. By Allah in whose hands is my life, to serve parents for a day and night is equal to a year of Jihad’.
- Goodness to Parents is the Expiation of Sins: Goodness towards the parents is the expiation of various sins. It is related in a report that a man came to the Prophet (pbuh) and said, “O, Prophet of Allah, there is not a single misdeed, that I have not committed. Is there repentance for me?” The Prophet (pbuh) told him, ‘Go and do goodness to your father in order that your sins may be expiated’. When the man left the assembly the Prophet (pbuh) said, ‘If his mother had been alive, it would have been more meritorious to do good to her’.
- Satisfaction of Parents is Satisfaction of Allah: The Prophet (pbuh) has stated, ‘In the happiness of parents lies the happiness of Allah and in their dissatisfaction is Allah’s dissatisfaction’. He further said, ‘A person who is good to his parents will be just a grade below the prophets in Heaven. And the Āq al-Walidayn will be only a grade higher than the Firauns in Hell’.
- Angels pray for those who do good to their Parents: The Prophet (pbuh) says that Allah has two Angels one of whom says, “O Allah! Protect those who do good to the parents.” The other Angel prays, “O Allah! Destroy those people by retribution, with whom their parents are angry”.
- Rights of the Parents (when they are alive): Someone asked the Prophet (pbuh) about the rights of the father. He replied, ‘He should be obeyed always, as long as he lives’. Then he was asked, “What is the right of the mother?”. He answered, ‘If the service to a mother equals the quantity of the particles of sand in the desert and the drops of rain on earth, it (this service) will not repay for a single day that she kept you in her womb’. It is reported that a young man approached the Prophet (pbuh) and asked, “O Prophet of Allah, I have a mother who is an invalid. She cannot even move by herself. I carry her on my back and feed her with my hands. I also clean her excreta. Have I fulfilled her rights?”. The Prophet (pbuh) replied, ‘No. Because you have remained in the womb for a long period during which you derived your nourishment from her body. She was ever busy in caring and protecting you at all costs. Inspite of such hardships she always wished a long life for you. But you are waiting for her to die so that you may relieved of the responsibility of taking care of her’. The Prophet (pbuh) described the eminence of a mother’s position in the following statement: ‘If you are praying a mustahab prayer and your father calls you, do not break your prayer but if your mother calls, break the prayer’. The Prophet (pbuh) also stated that the ‘Paradise is at the feet of your mother’.
- Rights of the Parents (after their death): First: To carry out the Wajib acts which they did not perform during their life time, like Salāt, Siyyam, Hajj and repayment of debts. Second: To Act on their will and testament. Third: To perform various good deeds for their salvation, i.e., to give Sadaqah, to perform charitable acts, and to carry out recommended acts on their behalf. In short, one should strive to the utmost in doing good deeds on their behalf so that Allah may shower His blessing and mercy on them. It is narrated from the Prophet (pbuh) that a man approached him and asked whether his parents have any rights upon him after their death? The Prophet (pbuh) replied, ‘Yes, pray Salāt for them, seek forgiveness on their behalf, respect their tradition, and be good to their relatives’.
- Be Good to Parents Even if They Are Kafirs: Whether the parents are believers and pious or Kafirs and sinful, goodness towards them is Wajib. And ‘Āq al-Walidayn’ is Harām.
- …obey them not… - The orders and restraints of the parents are of no significance with respect to the Wajib acts and the Divine prohibitions. For example, if the parents order the child to drink wine or restrain him from the obligatory prayers and fasts, they should not be obeyed. Obedience to parents is not obligatory when it causes unbearable hardships or harm. For instance, if they restrain the son from marriage when he feels the need for it. Or they order the son to divorce his wife without a sound reason. If such an action will result in harm to both the spouses, it is not obligatory to obey the parents. Apart from these circumstances, obedience to parents is obligatory with regards to the Makruh and Mubah acts. The same applies to the Wajib al-Kifai. The Islamic Sharia has prescribed certain matters wherein it is necessary to obtain the permission of both the parents. Or at least of one of them. For example, the Wajib al-Kifai acts like Jihad, or the Mustahab acts like the recommended fasts, or matters like taking an oath, vow and promises. In all such cases it is Wajib to obtain the parents’ permission.
- Mubah and Mustahab journey without the permission of parents is Harām. However, a business journey and the journey undertaken for acquiring knowledge is allowed according to some Mujtahids.
- Some Jurists are of the opinion that, obedience to parents is Wajib upon the child in every condition where there exists a doubt. Hence if the parents order their son or daughter to eat with them, and if there is doubt regarding the food, it is incumbent to obey the parents. Because, obedience to parents is Wajib while avoiding food in case of doubt, is Mustahab.
- If it is time for prayers and the parents would like to get some work done, it is necessary to carry out the orders before offering Salāt. Here again the offering of Salāt at the earliest is Mustahab whereas the obedience to parents is Wajib. However, Parents cannot prevent their child from performing Salāt in congregation unless it causes some problem to them. For example, the absence of the son, while he goes for Fajr or Isha prayers, may cause them anxiety regarding their own safety or the safety of their property. Or, it may make them apprehensive about the son’s safety.
- If it is not absolutely obligatory (Wajib al-A’ini) the parents can stop their son from going on Jihad.
- Regarding the commands, which are Wajib al-Kifai, the parents can prevent their son or daughter only if there is a certainty or a chance of the Wajib being fulfilled by other people.
- Some jurists are of the opinion that if one is praying a recommended prayer, he can interrupt it if his parents call him.
- One must forgo recommended fasts if the father disallows them.
- In the matter regarding vows and promises, if the parents are against it, then one must not disobey them.
وَوَصَّيۡنَا ٱلۡإِنسَٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيۡهِ حَمَلَتۡهُ أُمُّهُۥ وَهۡنًا عَلَىٰ وَهۡنٖ وَفِصَٰلُهُۥ فِي عَامَيۡنِ أَنِ ٱشۡكُرۡ لِي وَلِوَٰلِدَيۡكَ إِلَيَّ ٱلۡمَصِيرُ ١٤ وَإِن جَٰهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰٓ أَن تُشۡرِكَ بِي مَا لَيۡسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلۡمٞ فَلَا تُطِعۡهُمَاۖ وَصَاحِبۡهُمَا فِي ٱلدُّنۡيَا مَعۡرُوفٗاۖ وَٱتَّبِعۡ سَبِيلَ مَنۡ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّۚ ثُمَّ إِلَيَّ مَرۡجِعُكُمۡ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمۡ تَعۡمَلُونَ ١٥
And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years – give thanks to Me and to your parents. To Me is the final destination. But if they strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to say. Surah 31 Luqman Verses 14-15
- Allah mentions how the mother brings the child up, and how she gets tired and suffers stress from staying up with the child night and day, to remind the son of her previous kind treatment of him
- Narrated Ibn Masud: A man asked the prophet (pbuh), “What deeds are the best?” the prophet (pbuh) said: ‘To perform the Salat at their stated fixed times; to be good and dutiful to one’s own parents; and to participate in Jihad in Allah’s cause’
وَوَصَّيۡنَا ٱلۡإِنسَٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيۡهِ إِحۡسَٰنًاۖ حَمَلَتۡهُ أُمُّهُۥ كُرۡهٗا وَوَضَعَتۡهُ كُرۡهٗاۖ وَحَمۡلُهُۥ وَفِصَٰلُهُۥ ثَلَٰثُونَ شَهۡرًاۚ حَتَّىٰٓ إِذَا بَلَغَ أَشُدَّهُۥ وَبَلَغَ أَرۡبَعِينَ سَنَةٗ قَالَ رَبِّ أَوۡزِعۡنِيٓ أَنۡ أَشۡكُرَ نِعۡمَتَكَ ٱلَّتِيٓ أَنۡعَمۡتَ عَلَيَّ وَعَلَىٰ وَٰلِدَيَّ وَأَنۡ أَعۡمَلَ صَٰلِحٗا تَرۡضَىٰهُ وَأَصۡلِحۡ لِي فِي ذُرِّيَّتِيٓۖ إِنِّي تُبۡتُ إِلَيۡكَ وَإِنِّي مِنَ ٱلۡمُسۡلِمِينَ ١٥ أُوْلَٰٓئِكَ ٱلَّذِينَ نَتَقَبَّلُ عَنۡهُمۡ أَحۡسَنَ مَا عَمِلُواْ وَنَتَجَاوَزُ عَن سَئَِّاتِهِمۡ فِيٓ أَصۡحَٰبِ ٱلۡجَنَّةِۖ وَعۡدَ ٱلصِّدۡقِ ٱلَّذِي كَانُواْ يُوعَدُونَ ١٦
And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship. And she brings him forth with hardship, and the bearing of him, and the weaning of him is thirty months, till when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: ‘My Lord! Grant me the power and ability that I may be grateful for Your favour which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and that I may do righteous good deeds, such as please You, and make my offspring good. Truly, I have turned to you in repentance, and truly, I am one of the Muslims’. They are those from whom We shall accept the best of their deeds and overlook their evil deeds. (They shall be) among the dwellers of Paradise – a promise of truth, which they have been promised.
Surah 46 Al-Ahqaf Verses 15-16
- This verse tells that although the children should serve both the mother and the father, the mother’s right is greater in importance on the ground that she undergoes greater hardships for the sake of the children. The same is borne out by a Hadith, which has been related with a little variation in wording in Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Daud, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, Musnad Ahmad, and in Adab al- Mufrad of Imam Bukhari, to the effect that a person asked the Prophet (pbuh): Who has got a greater right to my service? The Prophet replied (pbuh): Your mother. He asked: Who after her? He replied: Your mother. He asked: Who after her? He replied: Your mother. He asked: Who after her? He replied: Your father. This Hadith precisely explains this verse, for in it also allusion has been made to the triple right of the mother: (1) His mother bore him with hardship. (2) She gave him birth with hardship. (3) His bearing and his weaning took thirty months
وَٱلَّذِي قَالَ لِوَٰلِدَيۡهِ أُفّٖ لَّكُمَآ أَتَعِدَانِنِيٓ أَنۡ أُخۡرَجَ وَقَدۡ خَلَتِ ٱلۡقُرُونُ مِن قَبۡلِي وَهُمَا يَسۡتَغِيثَانِ ٱللَّهَ وَيۡلَكَ ءَامِنۡ إِنَّ وَعۡدَ ٱللَّهِ حَقّٞ فَيَقُولُ مَا هَٰذَآ إِلَّآ أَسَٰطِيرُ ٱلۡأَوَّلِينَ ١٧ أُوْلَٰٓئِكَ ٱلَّذِينَ حَقَّ عَلَيۡهِمُ ٱلۡقَوۡلُ فِيٓ أُمَمٖ قَدۡ خَلَتۡ مِن قَبۡلِهِم مِّنَ ٱلۡجِنِّ وَٱلۡإِنسِۖ إِنَّهُمۡ كَانُواْ خَٰسِرِينَ ١٨
But he who says to his parents: “Fie upon you both! Do you hold out the promise to me that I shall be raised up (again) when generations before me have passed away (without rising)?” While they (father and mother) invoke Allah for help (and rebuke their son): “Woe to you! Believe! Verily, the Promise of Allah is true”. But he says: “This is nothing but the tales of the ancient”. They are those against whom the Word (of torment) is justified among the previous generations of jinns and mankind that have passed away. Verily! They are ever the losers.
Surah 46 Al-Ahqaf Verses 17-18
- In the previous Ayat (Verse 46:15-16), Allah mentions the dutiful offspring who supplicate for their parents and treat them with kindness. He describes the success and salvation He has prepared for them. Here He connects to that discussion the situation of the wretched offspring who are undutiful toward their parents. The qualities enumerated in this Verse concerning such obdurate individuals are as follows:
1. disrespect toward parents, since “Fie” refers to impurities and connotes insult and humiliation.
2. Such people not only disbelieve in the Last Day but also mock such belief and regard it on a par with legends and superstitions.
3. Enjoining them to embrace the true faith falls onto deaf ears as they do not submit to the Divine Will and they are conceited with false pride and ignorance. Compassionate parents make every attempt to rescue their obdurate children from the abyss of ignorance and the painful torment in the world to come; however, the unworthy children persist in their disbelief and their parents find no other alternative but to leave them.
END OF CHAPTER